Facebook (of which some of you know) if you are on there and want to be added..let me know.
It is the more convenient form of commentary at the present moment. I have, however set-up a blog about my experiences and observations of living and existing in Saigon/Vietnam - if you want a connection to that as well let me know..
A review since i was on here last:
1. Travelled a little - went to Bangkok..Awesome vibrant magical manic ...love, love, love.
Mui Ne with Terry - mojitos, mosquitoes and love, love, love.
2. Decisions about life made - my path is less jungle like, and clearer. There is joy in living in Saigon. I am staying til the end of my contract (December) then either staying in Saigon or moving to Thailand..
3. Went home and fell in love ...with my nephew. A joyful, spirited baby with a smile that melts and intrigues at the same time. The connection that he has with my younger sister made me a little jealous initially but to see them together dissipates any of that and to observe those two together is a delight. Stated to my loved ones back home that I am happy, strong and focussed on finding my bliss through teaching and travelling (thats with a capital T!). Mum got it this time and I have given her space to worry and be a mum without taking it personally. Stated my case and she stated hers - we iz coolz now.
4. Terry and I separated after living together, loving together and being intense for a relatively short period of time. We are friends, sometimes lovers still but everything is all clarity, honesty and familiarity without contempt. I will miss him when he leaves but it is his journey to leave and go home and find himself again and mine to move on in another different direction. Still want to visit Naija!!!!!
5. Decided that writing might be an avenue to persue..trying my hand on diarises observations, thoughts, processes..hence the Saigon blog.
6. Gone back to dancing - kallay, kalloo..bellydancing makes my soul sing and my endorphins rush giving me a high I had almost forgotten..how could I forget how addictive middle eastern music was as well..trying to find a yoga class as well..trying salsa as well..funds permitting. My body's response to dancing - more! I was almost gringing with the idea of pain and stiffness - instead a little tightness in the quads and that endorphin rush continued..
- To Dance or No?:
grateful
I am coming home in about 12 days for a quick 14 day visit to assess the vibe in the family - having the new baby might have mellowed my mother - one epiphany I did have is when I went back was that some of the control issues I have come from my parents and my perception of what they want for me.
I know everyone wants the best for me and so I do in return but what if the best for me is not in Australia? What if it is working, living, relating, loving in another country or several different countries. The subtle shifts and the not so subtle shifts that have been changing me made themselves apparent when I went back in August and the ripple effect from that is still being felt now.
I am in a constant state of flux - whilst that was exciting at the start of the year - I am exhausted. My body is feeling it - I have had gastroenteritis (me with a cast iron stomach!) - which on some level I feel is purging some really negative shit I have had to go through with my job; colds; lack of a menstrual cycle (nothing new!); aching joints (everything is too freaking short!).
I am doing something about the whole underlying PCOS thing - I am taking metformin/glucophage. It essentially tricking my body into making the right hormones - and its doing its job - with no direct *ahem* evidence yet but the irritability (more so than usual), teariness and feeling down - yep, I think I am getting there. My current mood has told Terry to go out for the night - he is sweet gentle man that hates to see me down but his attentiveness just makes me want to cry.
What of Terry??? He is leaving me at the end of December while I am in Australia..he is going back to Nigeria. Denial is a fine thing but to come back for another six months and not have him around to give me the shits will take a lot of getting used to. Everything crossed I will see him in February in Naija for 2 weeks and when I am finished here...more on that when we get to it...don't want to think too much in the future..he says that long distance relationships can work but I still need a lot of faith in myself - I am not talking about the need to go out and have sex with any stranger I find but the other stuff that goes on - observations, in-jokes, bitching about the day to day stuff, annoying habits - as much I might complain I think I will miss that as well and make it doubly hard on the relationship - it all remains to be seen.
So, a kind of plan is forming:
1. HOme for Christmas - Huzzah - my nephew who will be 3 months and I need to have a chat and get to know each other
2. February - Gods/God/Goddesses willing - Nigeria for 2 weeks.
3. Persevere for another 6 months in 'Nam
4. Leave at the end of June - either come home directly, travel to Nige or travel a little around Thailand.
5. Come back to Oz after a couple of months - try the casual teaching thing for a while.
6. Plan for the new year 2011..
- Positional Stance:Saigon
- To Dance or No?:
pensive
Its 5 days to go and I am sick. The dreaded lurgy has hit and no, its not the oinking flu either. Its the push myself too far, get caught in the rain, ooohhh I feel dizzy, my throat hurts, 2 days off work just when we don't have the staff to cover lurgy.
T has been lovely and kept me company and nagged me with his lovely Nigerian accent - I scared him last night with a high temperature but knowing the nature of the beast that is the lurgy - it is the last hurrah before starting to feel normal.
I am sick of the pollution, of the stink and of the noise - Vietnam is a beautiful place but Saigon is not - it does not advertise or reflect the true Vietnam. I have heard the southerners (Sai Gon especially) are all about themselves and bugger anyone else and northerners (HaNoi) are all about each other etc. I am yet to experience the north but at the moment I am keen to experience anything that is not SaiGon.
If the decisions had been made earlier and life had been organised (ha!) I could be jetting off to a new job in Sharjah (United Arab Emirates) with T - we will wait for another 5 months until I have been working at my current teaching job for a year and then apply for something in UAE or Nigeria; Naija is a bit harder to find a position but UAE have positions on a pretty consistent basis and it would fascinating to live in a country that has access to all the stuff of my dreams - deserts, culture, camels, middle eastern food - hmmm, Dubai..and its only a 9 hour flight to Nigeria from there.
I am in two minds about missing T - strangely enough the thought of missing him at the moment has not occured - I know I will miss him but at the moment its all about getting home and reconnecting with family and friends and there will the quiet moments where I think - where is he??
Anyway, off to lie on the lounge and watch teevee and sleep...perchance to dream. Speaking of which - dolphins, swimming cats and exams..all in one dream. ...anyone good at interpreting dreams?
- To Dance or No?:
sick
end message..
and oh, 3 weeks to go
WOOP< WOOP.
- Positional Stance:work
- To Dance or No?: awake
- What to dance to?:the fan working overtime
Its been a while and I am still in Saigon.
Major things have been happening.
I am in love for shuh!
Talk of babies, marriage and Nigeria have been chatted about and discussed ...
Plans are forming with a force of their own..god willing.
I love his smile, his mind, his passion for his country and his gorgeous smooth chocolate skin.
Depending on some factors - I am going to ride out the year here in Vietnam and look at moving on. T wants to go back to Nigeria and be with his family and start earning real money again - I would love to follow him but it is too dangerous to live where he is from - in Warri, Delta State..there are alternatives which involve living in Abuja or Lagos (safer for ex-pats) or finding a job in Dubai (yay! the middle east and the stuff of dreams) - Dubai is a 9 hours flight to Nigeria - lots of weekend visits or he comes and lives in Dubai with me...so many things to think about..
Anyway, I am hot, headachy and need a shower ...tomorrow its 3 weeks until i am back for a visit...I do have a one-way ticket but I NEED to be here for a little while longer..
- Positional Stance:Apartment on the 11th Floor
- To Dance or No?: thoughtful
- What to dance to?:nuthing.
This experiences that I am having with T, my soulmate, my light and my future are interesting because not of our cultural differences but our similiarities - the attitudes that we share, the fact that we are both stubborn and need a stubborn person to challenge each other. Somethings need explaining like my need for pot plants - my need to live in the moment and not project into the future (just yet) but yet, these are of the moment - the energy that we share, the tenderness that he expresses and his sheer expression of appreciation for who I am is amazing, he loves me for me - physically and spiritually..
I feel no need to compromise who I am with him, there is no need to hide who I am or what I am. Of course, compromise is made in all relationships - it is natural but not having the need to compromise WHO I AM is a major step forward and such a lightening of spirit for me that whatever happens between us (good or bad) it will be on the positive things to come out of this relationship.
I could see myself by the side of this man - loving him, supporting him and stepping forward..but the one day at a time stuff is good, the text messages first thing in the morning, last thing at night, the talking, the loving, the laughing..
I just love how he strokes my hair without me having to ask...
- Positional Stance:Saigon
- To Dance or No?:
happy - What to dance to?:Lambchop- the Daily Growl
overnight flights are good...get to change to winter clothing in Darwin..now thats weird.
See ya soon
- Positional Stance:Saigon Bloody Saigon
- To Dance or No?:
cheerful - What to dance to?:mixed oz tunes..
I am in proper, full-on, adult love with a man that I met early this year but through fear (my own) and silliness (his) we didn't see each other until May 11 when he texted to me to say that he had dreamt of me (awww) and was wondering how I was...since then it has been visits to my apartment complex and taking the air and intense loving friday and saturday nights. The feeling I have for him is overwhelming, beautiful and feels so..natural and grown-up. I am going to church with him tomorrow evening - which I never thought I would say in a sentence(going to church etc) but I admire his commitment to his faith and want to see this aspect of him in his church.
Its 2 months until I come home...I want:
* cold weather
* coffee with friends
* dad cuddles (double for me)
* mum chats
* sister love
* SCA fun
* see where grandma is buried (what is the correct term for ashes?) - she is next to grandfather ...internment?
*family reunion (should be a hoot)
I have my motorbike now - just need some practice - still daunted by the traffic...
- Positional Stance:SaiGon
- To Dance or No?:
loved - What to dance to?:Terminator soundtrack.
Dear Sir,
I am writing to protest the changes to the laws governing tax exemption for Australians working overseas. I would first like to express that I would prefer my name and address to remain confidential.
I am a teacher living and working in Vietnam. In 2008 I completed my 4 year degree at University and was faced with the inevitable casual teaching merry - go - round that most beginning teachers are faced with despite promises of full-time teaching positions given by the powers that be at the time.
This opportunity to teach full-time in a school that is challenging and rewarding is what I have found - it is an opportunity for my personal and professional growth and I do not see what I have to be penalised for seeking what is best for myself professionally so that others may benefit back in Australia. I do believe I should pay taxes in the country I am residing in and if I was able to be a resident of Vietnam there would be no qualms about paying taxes here but what benefit is there to me and my family to be taxed for earnings that I make outside of Australia?
I do believe taxes are important but again I reiterate what benefit are they to me if I am not residing in Australia? Surely, my fellow australians are taxed enough to support the governments decisions and changes to how our country is managed? Despite economic downturn (which we do feel in Vietnam) and the global economy being in a position of flux - is it not important that the Australians that are living and earning in Vietnam and other countries overseas be able to be financially stable so that they can be of future benefit to their native country on their return rather than penalised for leaving their country to seek employment and futures elsewhere?
Thank you
Primary School Teacher.
To all those nurturing feminine types who bring forth life, give life and receive life through the care of children whether they are your own, someone elses or just passing through.
You are to be admired, not dismissed,
You are to be garnered with praise,
Consistently told that you are loved,
given reward through the efforts of those closest to you,
and at least once a month have breakfast in bed ;)
to my mum,
I love you, miss you and when I am at home I will tell you more often that I do love you.
xoxoxoxoxo
- Positional Stance:Saigon again
- To Dance or No?:
sad - What to dance to?:the fan whirring
Love is a possessive force that brings people together,
crushing, searing, aching,
hot touches, thoughts melding, the need
overcoming reality,
groin on groin, eye to eye,
lips on skin, hands melting,
moisture, taste, living.
In those moments between awake and asleep,
I ponder the should have beens, could have beens and the might haves,
Nightly fantasies that lead to slumber,
I think of the inner me and the outer self,
I recognise images of past lives, present life and perhaps future experience.
I acknowledge lovers and let them float through my heart,
I signal to my mind that it is well, and I sleep.
- Positional Stance:The Eyrie
- To Dance or No?:
sore - What to dance to?:some movie on hbo.
Now, that makes me sound like a thoroughly modern millie doesn't it? well, I like doors opened for me, and chairs pulled out for me, I like being pursued and chased. I just don't like assumptions being made that I don't know my own mind or I can't do something. I like the feeling of my head on someones shoulder - hence the need for someone taller than my 5ft 81/2, I want to feel vulnerable without losing my sense of self..
Any takers?
I have a new haircut -squee! I am an gorgeous Arian burgundy again..I want to take my new hair out tonight..don't know if I will yet.
Happy 1st Anniversary to my sister and brother in law.
Lest we forget ...being in vietnam makes me think of Redgum's 'he was only 19'. No politics, just human history.
- Positional Stance:Saigon
- To Dance or No?:
calm - What to dance to?:Mary watches everything - luka bloom
So says my brain and my heart.
I have done it - I have relinquished the relationship I was having to save myself from doing STUPID,STUPID mistakes.
Last night, after an anger making conversation with the now ex-lover, I had a bath with beautiful turkish rose scented salts and candles, chilled out and then I took myself out to meet my irish friends RH & RC but before that I headed down to 155 Bui Vien for a beer or two and he was there after telling me that he wasn't going out and he was staying home because he was tired..etc..
The day before (Friday) he rang me to tell me that he could'nt come over and stay the night because he was going out with friends..humph..
So, there he was with A - my first lover when I came to Saigon..a gorgeous leonine smiling tall dark skinned man who understands my passion for teaching, and why I am here in Saigon and still holds hope of a reconciliation..I am thinking about it - I need space right now.
A and I talk and connect again..all eyes and smiles and looks while R looks on and texts me to tell I am looking beautiful and please don't get drunk and all this bullshit..R leaves eventually and A and I sit back and talk about this and that and play with the owner's kids who are pretend tough boys, I know A was trying very hard to communicate to me what he wants and needs - security, kids, happiness..etc..eventually R returns, and a few other nigerians turn up and I get a message from my irish friend to where she is - I pay the bill and leave them to talk football etc..
After a ridiculous, farcical xe om ride later I am at Vascos - a great place full of horny french people, africans, viets and the variety that is SaiGon...I cruise downstairs and sit down and talk to some great people who are artists, charity workers, long timers, teachers and I have this amazing talk/lecture/breakdown of who I am with a great woman I have only met once before..basically she told me stop telling myself that I am not worthy of love and that I am beautiful. C who is an artist (photographer) and charity worker has asked me to pose nude for a series of photographs that she is doing of 'real' women after a heated argument with fellow art teachers at the University and their perceptions of beauty of women.
Spend most of the night there - dancing, seeing a father of one of the kids from school, drinking, eating, talking, kissing, and generally having a great time - we move back to 155 for more talking, drinking, and trading insults with french speaking belgians who are quite embarrassing to witness when they are drunk. We moved to Go2 - which is full of horny tourists, locals and prostitutes, gays and lesbians..ahhh, Saigon melting pot...by this time my irish friends - RH and RC have had enough and I have too..
Cab it home after nearly getting lost somewhere...I know it was'nt my accent because I try to get the tone right when saying it even when I am drunk..so, I have exorcised the demons that were the ex-lover and now I ready for my 4 nights and 3 days in Mui Ne...not long now..
Here is where I am staying.
http://www.muinebeach.net/hiephoa/index.h
I think I have had enough of the alcohol merry go around..after Mui Ne - its time to knuckle down and slog it out until August and hometime.
- Positional Stance:The Apartment
- To Dance or No?:
drained - What to dance to?:I see red - split enz
mamarshall1
networking is big in Sai Gon and so I guess Twitter will catch on soon..
Bring on the weekend even without the hot cross buns and chocolate day with the family.
HAPPY EASTER OR NOT EASTER /CHOCOLATE DAY.
- To Dance or No?: contemplative
Not everyone that is great is famous,
Not everyone who is loved is well reknown,
Here is to a woman who was loved, and will always be loved.
She was not of my blood, but closer,
she cared for a lonely, lost, strange child
when she was young,
Hers was a wisdom that brought laughter, joy and experience.
Her sausage rolls, tea making and cricket insanity will be missed,
the tightly made beds that were a joy to be in,
will be missed.
Grandma's funeral tomorrow. I will light incense at the foot of Guan Yin at the school tomorrow.and remember the woman who made me a better person.
- Positional Stance:Sai Gon
- To Dance or No?: sad
- What to dance to?:Something vietnamese
After a shitty week of boys, loss and funny short week of work I needed the overnight bus to wake up to the sunrising over the South China Sea. Grandma passed away - it was expected and strangely enough I felt sad but relieved that she has passed...being away from the family grief is at once a relief and on other hand hard to take - I want to be there for everyone but after talking to mum it is better (and grandma would tell me off as well) that I stay here because I can't afford the time off, the funeral is on Wednesday and so therefore a hectic flight there, funeral, fly back - my head would definitely would be on backwards for a while after that.
So, boys. After learning the news of Grandma's passing I could'nt stay home that night so I took myself out for dinner and a couple of beers...at 155 - the local hangout for all sorts (from the chocolate box as my friend arzorath would say) - the sort of ex boyfriend/lover/I don't know what he is was there, my vietnamese friend, Julie and the other contender for my hand as well...all sorts of overtures, flatterings and just out and out trying hard comments were coming my way from the ex, and the contender was pleasant, flirty and smiling...god, that smile..
This is not what I signed up for..the ex - wants to work it out (thank god I am in Nha Trang), the contender is the one who messaged me this morning to say hi (and not the ex) - its leo versus aries..
I have decided to do a pro/con list as suggested by a mate ....
Nha Trang is lovely - a little resort-y for me but I took a walk around after sleeping for about 4/5 hours after the bus trip overnight - (arrival time approx. 6.30am this morning) I ate by the seaside, talked to a german man about all sorts of stuff and I found my first South China Sea shell...I am taking it for my teaching assistant in Sai Gon.
Off to the rooftop to have a beer and do the list...I could always go solo but ...I would like to finish that sentence but a member of my family might not want to hear about it...
- Positional Stance:Nha Trang
- To Dance or No?: content
When did that happen? How did I jump from 25 to 36 - did I lose time or has life caught up with me. Ever get that speedy - running forward very quickly only to snapped back feeling?
I embrace you, 36. Saggy bits (oh god), greying hair (what an advertisement) and adventurous heart (yay!). Good thing about being this age is that I can say things I could'nt say 10 years ago without withering or crying.
For example: A: I can't see you anymore R: Why? A: because you sit on my lounge and watch tv and don't talk to me R: what is there to say? A: forget it R: fine, I won't call you anymore, click.
It was a little more involved than that ..truly - it took me a month to find that he was socially inept, uncommunicative and since I did'nt give in on a matter between us - he found me suddenly not that desirable..but was waiting for me to make 'the' move....and this from a 40 year old man who did not want to admit his age...surprise, surprise.
He had my heart for a fleeting moment..but the proud arrogant Leo that I have known before has so much more potential. - which I may explore at a later date.I am not going to chase anyone - it was exciting and new and the freedom of sex and potential love is addictive but I need to concentrate on the parts of the adventure that require seeking other experiences and have fun without strings.
Oh, thanks for birthday wishes it was awesome to receive being over here and all..
- Positional Stance:Saigon
- To Dance or No?: thoughtful
- What to dance to?:Something vietnamese
After a huge 'intuition' push today at lunch...I have booked a ticket to Nha Trang - I don't have anywhere to stay but its cool..get off the bus and ask a xe om...I still have a week to find something..
Here is a wiki on Nha Trang - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nha_Trang
An intuition push - well it was a like a hit over the head and a push out the door kind of feeling..I am going alone without the fella because I need space from a intense individual which is wanting something I am not willing to give just yet..problem is we are very much alike - read: 2 Aries = pride, ego and fiery tenderness. He is March 29 and I am March 28..sheesh.
Anyway, Nha Trang = beach, sand, books, touristy stuff, cheap eats, sea, sand, beach, books, beer..2.5 days of bliss...sigh.
Note to people who may travel to Vietnam: do not drink Vietnamese coffee at 6pm - you will be awake for the rest of the night...it shits all over Red Bull..wheeee.....
- To Dance or No?: awake
glowing lover of burning desire,
speak the truth, do not hold back,
expect the same in return,
I will not disrepect, in truth I am everything..
that you will need
to hear, to seek, to aid
I will not forsake freedom for a bondage from which
I have been freed,
My laughter, my love is for you,
but my freedom which from I derive everything,
is mine and mine only.
the now is ours, the future is not forseen,
I do not wish it here,
my heart reaches for its mate,
and he of dusky, dark skin
is of the moment, my hearts desire of the now,
and the future
is mine and mine only.
This comes from a conversation I had with he of the dusky, dark skin and my oldest (years of knowing each other not age) best friend in the same day - I am glad that I have finally be able to express how I feel to a man without being emotional or on the other extreme remote and detached...it has taken a long time and probably given circumstances and the level of feeling I may have for the other this may change - I am human and therefore dynamic and not static, always changing, adapting.
Its Friday tomorrow, and I am off to a Vietnamese wedding..I wish I knew where my camera battery charger was...I might have to go and buy a camera just for now...sigh..and then find an Olympus dealer in HCMC..bother.
- To Dance or No?: contemplative
that is all..
no details...yet..
except, nah.
n o t y e t.
- Positional Stance:Saigon
- To Dance or No?: loved
- What to dance to?:Bob Marley - Stir it up.
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